Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
