I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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