So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We just shotgunned beers for America
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
