3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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