Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
