Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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