Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
