I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
