I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
