The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
