yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
