god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
