anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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