Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
