Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
