HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Someone shattered a urinal.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
