i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
