We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
