You can't special order awesome
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Pants are for mortals
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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