I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Shame - the story of my life.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
