It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
