So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
