is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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