so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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