It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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