my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
