apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
