I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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