my shit smells like andre
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
