so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
