So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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