Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
