you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
