Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
