No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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