First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
