He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
