it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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