What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
