nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
