Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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