There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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