i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
