He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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