and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
