White coat. Heels.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
