My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
