Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
