Ambien. No doubt about it.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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