I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
