Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
