oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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